Down the smelly corridors of endless time
run the pattering sounds of your nonchalant paws
lazing in the winter sun, you cock a wise eye at us,
and you yawn slightly; we are beneath your notice.
you will only rouse yourself to action
when the tough young thugs from the engineering end of campus
trot over to challenge your territory - then you become a fearsome warlord.
A change from your ridiculously adorable alter-ego,
the one with the lolling tongue and the silly puppy eyes.
Your earnest snifflings around my ankles, the putrid smell of your garbage breath
do nothing to make me love you less.
True, I do not cuddle you, but only because I am lazy;
when you were a pup, I fed you everyday, and I tickled your back with great energy,
but like all children, you became a sullen half-adult who sulks in a corner.
You idiotic bundle of mangy fur, you don't realize that I saw you when you fit in my hand;
and when you strut around campus with bravado, I am not impressed.
Whimper lovably all you like, not a single crumb more,
you can have half this biscuit, however, I didn't really want it.
Don't follow me into class, you canine retard,
you can't hide under damp umbrellas during a lecture, you're bound to start sneezing.
Wait outside, I'll be out in an hour,
and maybe after that, we can sit on the stairs and listen to Elvis for a while.